False Positive

False Positive

My mother was good to me.

My mother was good to me, after a lifetime of her father, being mean to her.

We were good to each other. We were good for each other. My mother and I discussed life lessons, how to treat others with kindness, and what purpose God might serve as we lived our lives. We were not obsessed with religion, but we were concerned for the condition of the world and those we could affect in positive ways.

There was little fighting. Not much rebellion on my part, as I was always, either good at being good, or good at hiding being bad. We were a team. We looked out for each other in our own ways. Her encouraging me and my encouraging her.

Mom spent the last few years of her life needing a wheelchair. She was able to maneuver into and out of the chair, but could not stand or walk for long periods of time. I was strong enough to throw the chair into the back of the car, so every week, we went here or there. Nowhere special, nowhere especially memorable.

She would jokingly scold me when I spoke a cuss word. She advised my being nice when I told stories about what was going on in my life. Everyone we met along the way received two smiles. Every time we returned there were gifts and meals for those around her.

Sometimes she would fall. Sometimes it would take emergency services to get her upright. The process of getting in and out of the car might take 10 minutes and it might take longer. Those were good times. Life has been good.

One night, after her being diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, my mother called me and asked that I come to her house. My father was having trouble transferring her from the wheelchair to her recliner in their living room. Big strong Kevin to the rescue. Bubbling smile, positive attitude, and all that “jazz”.

As I wrapped my arms around my mother, and as she wrapped her arms around me, it was apparent that she was not “helping” with any effort from below her waist. I told her to push up with her legs and she exclaimed she could not. It was the last time I would help her into that, or any chair.

Her test results came the next day. The cancer had spread to her spine and a local hospice bed was arranged. I visited mom and dad as soon as I heard the news. There were family members already there, so I waited my turn to sit by her bed and speak with her.

We spoke about the fact that this would be the last time she saw the house where she had spent over forty years. We spoke about caring for my father as she moved on. She advised that God would never leave me. She was right on all three counts.

Her conversations and her passage into the next realm of reality were full of grace, gratitude, and wonder. She was caring for others as much as they were caring for her. Even in her passing, there was little fuss made over what she wanted.

But, this article is titled “False Positive”.

A few years before this event, my mother wanted a computer so she could see what Facebook was all about. My father got her a Chromebook and she spent hours connecting with friends and wondering how people could be so mean. She also learned how to use Messenger, and she and I would send messages at all hours.

When I got home from helping her into her chair that one last time, I sent my mother a message.

“You are stronger than you know.”

She did not respond. I do not know if she read it before she passed. It was written more for me wanting her to be stronger than for encouraging her to find strength. False positive.

Here are some simple facts.

Positive thinking and empowerment are tricky. Motives can be skewed. What on some levels seem to be good vibes, may be only manipulation. My wanting my mother to be strong was more about my need for my mother, than it was about encouraging my mom.

I send good vibes out every day. Most often without mention. Most often before other people wake from sleeping (except for my friends around the world… there are always people putting out good vibes).

I am not a big “selfie” guy when it comes to good deeds, and God and I keep secrets all the time. But there should be no mistaking the fact, that I am a good dude. So good, in fact, that mean people do not know what to do with me at times. We are all whole, without needing anything to be complete. That might be a Wayne Dyer quote.

While motives should be questioned, especially our own, we are all doing our best.

Doing our best at the time we are doing, whatever it is that we do. Our spiritual vibrations are not the same. The experience that brought us here is not the same. We should never accept negativity from others, but we should also realize that it is not their negativity that is the problem. The question we have to ask ourselves is, “Do we allow the negativity of others to shape us?”

As we all struggle with what to accept and what to change, have courage. As we all struggle with what to resist and what to allow to flow, be strong. If you find it is hard to stand, lean on others. If you see someone struggling to stand, be a stronghold.

The mission of this website and the corresponding Facebook page is to “change the world… one smile at a time” and it seems to be working.

Just words. Just paper and ink. Just a whiteboard and some markers. The only thing that makes any of this special is the intention and well wish I consider whenever I create a picture, quote, or blog.

All of those good vibes to you today (whatever day it may be). Be as positive as you want to be, but always be open to good vibes. There are more of us sending those than you might imagine.

*** a note about the cover image for this article… it was captured this past Christmas. Always take what is written here in if it helps, and discard if it does not align with what you need in the moment. Life is not too short to take ourselves so seriously, but it is definitely too exciting to worry for our image.

Peace,

Kevin

 


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